Once We Were Beautiful

By Art Harun

Once we were beautiful
I am blessed. So are many of my friends who are of or around my age. So are many who are older than me.
As a child of the 60s, I went through my formative years in an English-stream school. It was a big school in town. And there were hundreds of us Malays, Chinese and Indian boys (it wasn’t co-ed). Our first headmaster was a Chinese gentleman who was as fierce as they came those days. When he left, he was replaced by an Indian gentleman, who also was as fierce.
My first class teacher was Ms Leong, all long haired and short skirted. And yes, armed with a wooden ruler, she would knock my knuckles for failing to properly write the number 8. My first English sentence, learnt on the first day at school was to be uttered after raising my right hand, “Please teacher may I go out?” That was to be said if any of us had to go to the toilet to do the normal stuffs we all do in the toilet (and not to eat).
Then there were Mr Linggam, Cikgu Aziz and wife, Sharom, Mr Lee the karate guy, Mr Khor, Cikgu Mutalib and various others.
We were a happy bunch. We played together, ate together, learned together and of course, at times, punished together. And we were equal.
In standard 5, I began fasting. The school canteen stayed open for the whole month. No renovation. No closure. Muslim and non-Muslim kids, who did not fast, ate as usual. If they bought a proper meal, such like nasi lemak or mee goreng, they would eat at the canteen. If it was some kind of snack, they would just eat while walking around, in the class or where ever.
No fuss. No issue. No problem.
My impressionable years were spent in a boarding school. It was the same scenario. All of us, regardless of race or religion studied together, ate together, played together and at times, getting one or two rotan together.

Visiting a non-Malay house was not a problem. Eating there was not a problem too. Sharing food with non-Muslims was not an issue.

Things have however, sadly, changed. And change for the worse.

Nowadays, non-Muslims don’t send their kids to national school anymore. They prefer to send the kids to the vernacular schools. The ones who could afford would send their kids to private schools. National schools are almost invariably filled with Muslim/Malay students.
National schools would recite prayers before classes begin in the morning. Quranic verses and hadith would adorn walls in the canteen, school office and even classes. Ustaz and ustazah would even ask school kids to raise their hands if their parents do not pray 5 times a day. In secondary schools, the tudung is not compulsory for girls – according to the Ministry of Education’s circular, if I am not mistaken – but girls without tudung would be viewed askance by schoolmates and teachers alike.

Due to the small number of non-Muslim/Malay kids in national schools, the Malay kids do not have the opportunity to mix around and integrate with non-Malays in their formative and impressionable years. The small number of non-Malay kids also gives a sense of false superiority complex to the Malay kids as well as teachers.

Thus, my race and my religion are more important than you, your religion and everything else. Hence the closure of the school canteen during Ramadhan. This is prevailing in many national schools. Apparently, this is done to “respect” the Muslim students who are fasting. Forget the fact that non-Muslims do not fast and they, like any other human beings or animals, have to eat and drink. Forget the fact that there are Muslim kids who do not fast. Anybody who just about mentions the word “food” would have been taken as insulting Islam.

On Facebook last week, there were two guys admonishing a hotel which advertised its breakfast package on its page. They viewed it as disrespectful. But to be fair, the two were widely condemned by other Muslim facebookers.

The eating-in-the-changing-room debacle yesterday is just the surface of a far unhealthier trend in Malaysia. Beneath that surface is a society which is fractious, intolerant, selfish and uncompromising.

The obvious question is how did we, as a nation, become like this?

As a nation we started so well. The Federal Constitution was agreed upon by consensus between three major races anchored to a give-and-take and win-win camaraderie. There was a blemish in 1969 but that was quickly nipped in the bud and we soldiered on.

In football, we were in the Olympic final in 1972 and 1980. By the law of progression, we should be in the World Cup by now. By contrast, Japan and Korea, whom we used to beat, were already in the quarter-finals of the World Cup. We now struggle to beat the likes of Vietnam and even Singapore.

Like our football team, the state of our racial integration and inter-faith relationship has moved in reverse gear. Years of political posturing utilizing religion and race have now begun to show its ugly consequences. The so-called Islamisation that we embark upon, which is shorn of any meaningful spiritual understanding of the religion, but rather born out of political necessities, convenience and mired in political one-upmanship has now produced a nation which is unsure of itself and a people who are fractious, angry, suspicious and at odd with each other.

We need to take a real good look at ourselves and examine our ways. And we need to reboot our operating system if we want to avoid a total crash.

And we need to reboot fast.

Why Being Bias ?

First of all, I would like to say that the act of uploading the picture of a non-halal food while wishing "Selamat Berbuka Puasa" is a "stupendous" act and it clearly shows immaturity of the person who did that. We are living in a multi racial country and we have been brought up by our religion, our parents, our teachers, our society to live in harmony with one another, regardless of race and religion and social background.

Now they have been slapped with charges, and not allowed bail. Ok.

But, what about the person who ask for the Alkitab (Bible in Malay) to be burn ? Isn't that person suppose to be charged as well for uttering seditious comments and thus inciting social disharmony ? Or the person who went undercover into a Church to take Holy Communion, and spitting it out back and then published it in a local daily ? Isn't that consider an offence of uploading content that has possibility to stir hostility ?

My question is - why is it so bias ? Why not treat all with the same respect due ? Its so sad to read the newspaper nowadays wondering why some has been let go with just a reprimand even though there was no apology to the public, and the other one was charged in court even though a public apology was given.

We are getting advance in one way, but it doesn't look as though tolerance and respect towards one another is advancing. A point to myself to always teach my children to respect one another. That is what Christ expects us to do - "Do unto others as you would like others to do unto you."

Spectacular View of the City of Cannes

Had a opportunity to visit Cannes for a Working Group Meeting. Cannes, the city of film...
The scenery was just breath-taking. Truly wonderful and marvellous...

A Wonderful Reminder For Me....

People are often unreasonable & self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway.
If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good.
Give the world the best you have & it may never be enough. Give your best anyway.

For you see, in the end, it is between you & God. It was never between you & them anyway.

Mother Teresa of Calcutta

What A Man Wants

“…as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.” - Ephesians 5:24

Wives, do you often find yourself wishing that you could figure out what your husbands want? Do they want looks, devotion, or smarts? Of course, every guy is different, but many wives are clueless about what their husbands need the most. They often make the mistake of thinking that his greatest need is like hers - the need for romantic love. Well, he may want that, too, but the husband’s greatest need is for respect. This is how God has wired him. So wives, how can you live this out? Here are a few clues:

Praise: Build him up in a world where he often gets beaten down. Just think how much you like to hear the words,”I love you,” and praise him just that much and more.

Seek to be his best friend: With his wife, he needs support not competition. Men as a whole, are not as relational and verbal as women.

Have a willingness to follow his lead. You’re kidding! In the 21st century you want me to follow his lead?

Well, if this makes you mad, argue with God, not me. It’s His Book. This is how you really respect your husband. When he senses this, it’s amazing how much he will strive to please you and respect what you have to say.

A Letter To Daniel

Dear Daniel,

Since you cannot follow mummy to Langkawi, mummy will bring to you the jet fighters from Langkawi.

Mummy loves you and will see you soon this Saturday.

Lots of love and kisses,
Mummy

Bye Bye 2012, Welcome 2013

Bye bye 2012
I hv had a memorable year of ups and downs, happiness n anxieties. Thank you Lord for 2012.

Hello 2013
I look forward to 2013 - joy & happiness, health and success, and all that The Lord shall bestow upon me.

Happy New Year all bloggers..
May the coming year be a fruitful year for you and me.
God bless..

Luv,
Elena & Family

It's Advent Season Again

Gosh, how quick time flies. This year was definitely the most hectic year I have ever come across compared to previous years. Why, I even lost counts of the number of times I dozed off while trying to type late at night, or skipping lunch at least four out of five days.

Remember the study that was conducted 2 months back - on how hardworking Malaysian generally was? We were at number 4, but the actual title of that research was "most deprived of their holiday,". In my case, that is definitely true. I long for a proper holiday, one that I can just wake up any time I like.

I need a holiday !

It Matters Whom You Are Marrying

My husband and I were once with a youth group. There were three kids sitting across from us at a meal: two guys and a girl. The one guy was a computer geek with glasses. The other one was a college student with slightly cooler hair and no glasses. The girl was obviously with him. But while the computer geek was busy serving everyone at the meal, clearing plates and garbage, the college student got angry with the girl for a small accident and poured red juice over her leather jacket and white shirt. She picked the wrong guy, and the juice didn’t seem to change her mind. She is in for some grief if that relationship continues and especially if it leads to marriage.

So to all the young, unmarried Christian girls out there, listen up: who you marry matters. You might think that the way he treats you isn’t so bad. It’s not going to get better after the wedding. You might think that he’ll change. It’s possible, but most don’t. You might think that you’ll be able to minister to him and help him. Possibly, but if you can’t now, you won’t then, and you will be at risk yourself. A husband should lead and cherish you, not need your counsel for basic personality or behavior issues.

Unless someone married is very frank with you, you can’t understand how much a husband will impact your entire life. Next to salvation there is no other long term event that will change so many areas of your life so deeply. Here are just some of the ways that marriage will impact every aspect of living.

1. It will impact you spiritually. If the guy is not a believer, you can stop right there. You have no business yoking a redeemed soul with an unregenerate one, even if he seems open to change. Christ has bought you with a price and it is not an option to give away that blood bought heart to someone who doesn’t know and love your Lord. It will cripple your spiritual development, open up a host of temptations, stifle your prayer life, make regular church going difficult, and cause massive parenting conflict if you have children.

If the guy is a believer, is he a strong one? Will he lead you in prayer, Bible reading, family devotions, and public worship? Or will you be on your own? Is he going to make spiritual growth a priority or do other things come first? Is he going to ask you how it’s going with your soul so he can help you grow in holiness and love for Christ, or will he leave that to your pastor? Is he going to lead the children in this, or will you have to spearhead that? In church, is he going to help the kids sit well, pray, find the hymn, or will you be the one pointing out what is happening next and helping the family keep up? Many women have married spiritually immature men, thinking that it wasn’t a big issue, or that the man would change, and they were wrong. They bear the scars.

The health of your eternity is at stake. Think carefully.

2. It will impact you emotionally. Is the guy you’re thinking of going to encourage you, love you, be kind to you, and seek to understand you, or will he want to go out with the guys when you’re having a hard night? Will he listen when you are struggling with something or will he be preoccupied with a video game? Is he going to be annoyed when you cry or will he get you Kleenex and give you a hug? Is he going to going to understand that you are probably more tender than he is, more sensitive to issues and comments, or is he regularly going to run rough shod over your feelings? One woman was struggling to breastfeed her new baby, believing that that was the best thing for her, but it was very difficult. Instead of giving support and encouragement, the husband would make mooing sounds whenever he saw his wife working at it. We have to get rid of princess complexes, but we do have emotional needs. Any guy who is uncaring about your feelings and self esteem is selfish and should be left alone.

Be careful – a husband can cripple or foster emotional health.

3. It will impact you physically. Is the guy you’re with going to provide for your basic needs? Will he be able to shelter, clothe and feed you? At one point in our marriage, I was worried that there was no employment opportunity. My husband assured me that he would work at McDonalds, dig ditches, clean up roadkill – whatever it took to provide for the family, regardless of his gifts and training. That’s the kind of attitude you want. A man who doesn’t provide for his household is worse than an infidel (I Tim. 5:8). You might have to help ease the financial burden, but unless your husband is disabled or there is another unusual circumstance, you shouldn’t have to carry it yourself.

Will the man you are with care for your body or abuse it? If he gives you little smacks, kicks, etc. when you’re dating, get away. It’s almost guaranteed that he will abuse you after marriage, and stats show that’s especially true when you are pregnant. Is he going to care for and protect your body or will he hurt it? There are women in churches across America who thought it was no big deal to have little (sort of friendly) punches or slaps from their boyfriends, but who are covering up the bruises from their husbands.

Will the man you are with care for you sexually? Is he going to honour the marriage bed in physical and mental faithfulness to you or will he flirt, feed his porn addiction, or even leave you for another woman? You can’t always predict these issues, but if the seeds or practices are already there, watch out. I recently saw a newly married couple and the husband was flirting openly with another woman. Unless something drastic happens, that marriage is headed for disaster.

Is he going to be tender and gentle to you in bed? An unbelieving co-worker once told my sister that after her first sexual encounter, she had trouble walking for a few days because her boyfriend was so rough. In other words, he wasn’t selfless enough to care for the body of the woman he said he loved.

Watch out. Your body needs care and protection.

4. It will impact you mentally. Is the man that you’re thinking of going to be a source of worry or will he help you deal with your worries? Is he going to encourage your intellectual development, or will he neglect it? Is he going to value your opinions and listen to what you are thinking, or will he disregard your thoughts? Is he going to help you manage stress so that your mind is not burdened that way, or is he going to let you struggle through issues alone? Is he going to care for you and be thoughtful of you if you are experiencing mental strain, or will he ignore it? I know of a woman who could handle pregnancy and child birth very well physically but postpartum depression took a huge toll on her mind. The husband overlooked it, continuing to have more children, until his wife ended up in a mental institution.

You might think that the intellectual or mental side of a marriage is small. It’s bigger than you think. Consider it seriously.

5. It will impact you relationally. How’s your relationship with your mother? Your dad? Do you love them? Does your boyfriend? Fast forward ten years: you tell your husband that your mother is coming for the weekend. Is he excited? Disappointed? Angry? Making snide jokes with his friends? Of course, a husband should come first in your priority of relationships, as you both leave father and mother and cleave to one another. But parents are still a big part of the picture. Whatever negative feelings he has about your parents now will probably be amplified after marriage. Your marriage will either strengthen or damage – even destroy – your relationship with your parents. The people who know you best and love you most right now could be cut out of the picture by a husband who hates them.

It’s the same with sisters and friends. Will they be welcomed, at reasonable times, in your home? Will the guy who you’re with encourage healthy relationships with other women, or will he be jealous of normal, biblical friendships? Will he help you mentor younger women and be thankful when older women mentor you, or will he belittle that?

Don’t sacrifice many good relationships for the sake of one guy who can’t value the people who love you.

So how will your boyfriend do after the vows? Because this is just a sampling of the ways that a husband can bless or curse his wife. The effects are far reaching, long lasting, and either wonderful or difficult. True, there are no perfect men out there. But there are great ones. And it’s better to be single for life than to marry someone who will make your life a burden. Singleness can be great. Marriage to the wrong person is a nightmare. I’ve been in a church parking lot where the pastor had to call the police to protect a wife from a husband who was trying to stop her from worshiping and being with her family. It’s ugly. Don’t be so desperate to get married that your marriage is a grief. If you are in an unhappy marriage, there are ways to get help. But if you’re not married, don’t put yourself in that situation. Don’t marry someone whose leadership you can’t follow. Don’t marry someone who is not seeking to love you as Christ loved the church.

Marry someone who knows and demonstrates the love of Christ.

Tired.....

I am at the brink of exhaustion... Too tired. Wonder when will I just break and shut down?

Dare not even think about it. I am hoping that the grace of our Lord is sufficient for me.

Daniel adores school

Daniel now absolutely adore going to school. He even walked in on his own. My baby is growing fast.

My Darlings...

Time really flies. Elisha is now 6 months old already. 😍

My precious darlings.... How I love and adore you all...

Daniel & Elisha

It's just too cute not to take their picture sleeping together. This was taken on our journey from Ipoh to kampar during the recent Chinese new year break.

Elisha Is Already 3 Months Old

How time flies. This little gal who was born just last Oct has now reached 3 1/2 months old already. Her smile is captivating, her laughter contagious and her cry, well, is super loud.

Thank you Lord for this wonderful gift of life.

iPhone 4s

Did I mentioned that I finally bought one? Yeah.. My Xmas and new year gift.