NATIONAL EXCUSE FOR HAIR LOSS:
Ajinomoto
NATIONAL INSTANT FOOD :
Maggi Mee
NATIONAL BREAKFAST :
Nasi Lemak
NATIONAL LUNCH :
Nasi Ayam
NATIONAL SUPPER :
Roti Canai & Teh Tarik
NATIONAL EXCUSE FOR BEING LATE:
Traffic Jam
NATIONAL FRUIT FOR INDUCING MENSTRUATION :
Pineapple
NATIONAL APHRODISIAC DRINK:
Stout. Many Malaysian men swear by it. But then after a few pints they start swearing at everything.. .
NATIONAL FAKE ILLNESS FOR GETTING MC (MEN):
Food Poisoning
NATIONAL FAKE ILLNESS FOR GETTING MC (WOMEN):
Menstrual Pain
NATIONAL EXCUSES GIVEN BY WOMEN WHEN REFUSING SEX:
Everything on earth..
NATIONAL EXCUSES GIVEN BY MEN WHEN REFUSING SEX:
None. Malaysian men never refuse sex.
NATIONAL CURE FOR DIARRHOEA :
Cap Kaki Tiga.
NATIONAL CURE FOR HEADACHES:
Panadol.
NATIONAL CURE FOR DIZZINESS:
Minyak Angin Cap Kapak.
NATIONAL CAUSE OF DIZZINESS (FOR YUPPIES):
Happy Hours.
NATIONAL INSTANT CURE FOR DIZZINESS (FOR YUPPIES):
The sight of a police road block.
NATIONAL RICE COOKER :
NATIONAL Rice Cooker
NATIONAL RUBBISH DUMP:
Anywhere. As long as it is not your house.
NATIONAL MOST MIS-PRONOUNCED NAME:
Carrefour.
NATIONAL ANSWER FOR 'WHERE ARE YOU?':
On the way.
NATIONAL OFFICIAL TIME FOR BEING LATE:
10 minutes
NATIONAL REASON FOR PRICE INCREASE:
Petrol naik
NATIONAL REASON FOR PETROL INCREASE:
Still cheaper than other country
NATIONAL EXCUSE FOR CAUSING TRAFFIC JAM:
There was accident on the other side of the road
NATIONAL REASON WHEN REJECTING INVITATION :
'I got some work to do..u all go first'
NATIONAL REASON FOR COLLAPSED BUILDINGS & LEAKY PARLIAMENT ROOFS:
An act of God.
NATIONAL EXCUSE FOR IRRESPONSIBLE POLITICAL STATEMENTS:
None. We were misquoted.
NATIONAL MINISTERIAL REASON FOR INCREASING TOLL RATES:
Lu ingat ini jalan saya punya bapak punya kah?
NATIONAL EXCUSE NOT PAYING SAMAN ACCORDING TO DUE DATE:
Government will give discount one of these days
NATIONAL EXCUSE TO BRIBE:
Minum kopi
Showing posts with label Joke. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Joke. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Monday, February 8, 2010
True Love ...
A rich businessman had a beautiful daughter, who fell in love with a guy who works as a cleaner. When the girl's father came to know about their love, he did not like it at all, and so began to protest about it.
It so happenned that the two lovers decide to leave their homes in order to build a happy future. The girl's father began a frantic search for the two lovers but was unable to find them.
At last, he accepted their love for each other and request them to come home via advertisement in a local paper. Her father said, 'If you both come back, I will allow you to marry the guy you loved, for I had accepted that you truly love each other.'
So, their love had won and they returned home.
The couple went to town to shop for a wedding dress. He was dressed in white shirt that day. While he was crossing the road to get some drinks for his wife, a car came and knocked him down. He died on the spot. The girl lost her senses. It was only after sometime that she recovered. The funeral and cremation had to be held on the following day as he died horribly.
Two nights later, the girl's mother had a dream. In that dream, she saw an old lady. The old lady had asked her to wash away the blood stains of the guy from the daughter's dress as soon as possible. But her mother ignored the dream.
The next night, her father had the same dream as well. And he too ignored the dream. The following night, the girl had the same dream. She woke up in fear and told her mother about the dream. Her mother then quickly asked her to wash the clothes that have blood stains on it.
She washed the stains but there are still some remained. The following night, she had the same dream. Again, she went and washed the stains but some still remained.
Next night, she had the same dream again, and this time, the old lady gave her last warning to wash away the stains, or else, something terrible will happen. This time, the girl tried her best to wash the stains, until the clothes nearly tore, but there are still some stains remained.
She was very tired. In the late evening, while she was hole alone, someone knocked on the door. She got up and went and opened the door. She shouted with fright and fainted for there stand the old lady of her dream.
The old lady woke her up and gave her a blue object. She was shocked and ask "What is this ?"
The old lady said, "Try la Dynamo Liquid Soap... Just a dab and it will remove all stubborn stains !! "
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I know how you are feeling right now... Don't look at me like that, I have been through this too. I am also hunting the idiot who sent me this... ;)
It so happenned that the two lovers decide to leave their homes in order to build a happy future. The girl's father began a frantic search for the two lovers but was unable to find them.
At last, he accepted their love for each other and request them to come home via advertisement in a local paper. Her father said, 'If you both come back, I will allow you to marry the guy you loved, for I had accepted that you truly love each other.'
So, their love had won and they returned home.
The couple went to town to shop for a wedding dress. He was dressed in white shirt that day. While he was crossing the road to get some drinks for his wife, a car came and knocked him down. He died on the spot. The girl lost her senses. It was only after sometime that she recovered. The funeral and cremation had to be held on the following day as he died horribly.
Two nights later, the girl's mother had a dream. In that dream, she saw an old lady. The old lady had asked her to wash away the blood stains of the guy from the daughter's dress as soon as possible. But her mother ignored the dream.
The next night, her father had the same dream as well. And he too ignored the dream. The following night, the girl had the same dream. She woke up in fear and told her mother about the dream. Her mother then quickly asked her to wash the clothes that have blood stains on it.
She washed the stains but there are still some remained. The following night, she had the same dream. Again, she went and washed the stains but some still remained.
Next night, she had the same dream again, and this time, the old lady gave her last warning to wash away the stains, or else, something terrible will happen. This time, the girl tried her best to wash the stains, until the clothes nearly tore, but there are still some stains remained.
She was very tired. In the late evening, while she was hole alone, someone knocked on the door. She got up and went and opened the door. She shouted with fright and fainted for there stand the old lady of her dream.
The old lady woke her up and gave her a blue object. She was shocked and ask "What is this ?"
The old lady said, "Try la Dynamo Liquid Soap... Just a dab and it will remove all stubborn stains !! "
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I know how you are feeling right now... Don't look at me like that, I have been through this too. I am also hunting the idiot who sent me this... ;)
Thursday, July 17, 2008
"Aku ada cerita ni... lawak la jugak.. tapi jangan ketawa tau...
Aku baru berkahwin setahun yang lepas dan duduk dengan isteri aku. Kami duduk berdua sahaja sebab belum dikurniakan anak. Aku ni ada satu kegemaran -iaitu makan telur rebus. Aku pun tak tahu kenapa aku suka makan telur rebus, sedap agaknya.
Sebelum aku kahwin, aku memang gila telur rebus. Pagi petang siang malam makan telur rebus. Tapi semenjak aku kahwin ni aku terpaksa berkorbanlah, iaitu dengan meninggalkan tabiat aku ini. Lama juga aku dah tak pekena telur rebus ni.. sebab orang rumah aku masak sedap-sedap. So aku dah tak kisah lagilah..
Ceritanya begini, bulan lepas masa aku balik dari kerja, tiba-tiba kereta aku rosak.. Akupun telefon bini aku katakan aku balik lambat sebab kena menapak. Sebab lapar aku pun singgah satu kedai makan tu... Ada telur rebus lah.. akupun makan nasi dengan telur rebus.. Lepas tu, aku order telur rebus lebih lagi untuk diratah. Sebelum balik aku bungkus lagi 10 biji telur rebus untuk makan sambil berjalan balik nanti. Tiba je kat rumah aku rasa amatlah kenyang.. Maklumlah nak balas dendam sebab lama tak pekena telur rebus.
Sebelum aku masuk ke rumah, isteri aku tiba-tiba cakap dia ada 'surprise' untuk aku malam ni. Dia suruh aku tutup mata dengan kain hitam yang diikat kemas dibelakang kepalaku. Dan dipimpinnya aku sampai ke meja makan Aku duduk di kerusi dan isteriku pesan jangan cuba buka ikatan yang menutup mataku.
Aku nak pergi toilet sebab perutku mula buat hal, tapi malaslah nak spoilkan 'surprise' isteriku ini. Aku pun tahan ler... Tetiba telefon berbunyi, isteriku pergi mengangkatnya. Apa lagi ada chance aku pun melepaskan kentut yang ditahan sekian lama.. Fuuuuhhh lega rasanya... Baunya pun boleh la tahan... Maklumler berapa biji telur tah aku bedal tadi... Alamak, ada lagi satu la.. Aku pun angkat sebelah punggung dan lepaskan satu das lagi.. Bunyinya PROOOTTT!! ..
Fuh bau jangan cakap beb.. aku pun tak tahan bau dia... aku kipas pakai tangan angin dia kasi kurang sikit bau dia... Adalah macam bau telur tembelang sikit.. Tetiba aku dengar bunyi telefon berdering lagi... hai lamanya tunggu isteri aku ni, aku tak sabar lagi ni nak tahu surprise dia ni.
Aku terasa ada lagilah, kali ni memang aku rasa power punyalah.. aku kumpul dulu kasi padu.. lepastu aku bangun, tonggeng sikit dan lepaskan angin taufan tu... PRRROOOOOTTT! !!!... fuhh lega... bergegar sikit meja makan dibuatnya... peh tak tahan aku bau dia power gila.. aku tutup hidung aku.. aku rasa bau dia ada sikit-sikit macam bangkai la.. mau mati bunga atas meja makan aku ni.. sambil tu aku sebut 'ahhhh.... lega...'.
Adalah dekat 5 minit baru bau bangkai tu hilang.. Lepas tu isteri aku kembali dan minta maaf sebab lambat.. lalu dia kata 'SURPRISE!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!' dan suruh aku buka kain penutup mata aku.. laaa birthday aku hari ni le... camne boleh lupa ni.. Aku buka le kain penutup mata aku.. mulutku terus melopong... ALAMAK!!!
Benda pertama aku lihat.. muka merah padam pak mertua aku, mak mertua aku, adik ipar aku dua orang, duduk keliling meja makan. Bos aku dengan jiran sebelah rumah rumah aku pun ada???
Jadi aku pun nak cover malu, aku tanya la kat pak mertua aku, 'Dah lama ke pak sampai?'.
Dan pak mertua aku pun jawab.'Dah lama. Sebelum kentut pertama lagi!!'. "
Hahahahaha.....
p/s: Jangan ketawa kuat-kuat, nanti malu. Senyum buli lah ...
Aku baru berkahwin setahun yang lepas dan duduk dengan isteri aku. Kami duduk berdua sahaja sebab belum dikurniakan anak. Aku ni ada satu kegemaran -iaitu makan telur rebus. Aku pun tak tahu kenapa aku suka makan telur rebus, sedap agaknya.
Sebelum aku kahwin, aku memang gila telur rebus. Pagi petang siang malam makan telur rebus. Tapi semenjak aku kahwin ni aku terpaksa berkorbanlah, iaitu dengan meninggalkan tabiat aku ini. Lama juga aku dah tak pekena telur rebus ni.. sebab orang rumah aku masak sedap-sedap. So aku dah tak kisah lagilah..
Ceritanya begini, bulan lepas masa aku balik dari kerja, tiba-tiba kereta aku rosak.. Akupun telefon bini aku katakan aku balik lambat sebab kena menapak. Sebab lapar aku pun singgah satu kedai makan tu... Ada telur rebus lah.. akupun makan nasi dengan telur rebus.. Lepas tu, aku order telur rebus lebih lagi untuk diratah. Sebelum balik aku bungkus lagi 10 biji telur rebus untuk makan sambil berjalan balik nanti. Tiba je kat rumah aku rasa amatlah kenyang.. Maklumlah nak balas dendam sebab lama tak pekena telur rebus.
Sebelum aku masuk ke rumah, isteri aku tiba-tiba cakap dia ada 'surprise' untuk aku malam ni. Dia suruh aku tutup mata dengan kain hitam yang diikat kemas dibelakang kepalaku. Dan dipimpinnya aku sampai ke meja makan Aku duduk di kerusi dan isteriku pesan jangan cuba buka ikatan yang menutup mataku.
Aku nak pergi toilet sebab perutku mula buat hal, tapi malaslah nak spoilkan 'surprise' isteriku ini. Aku pun tahan ler... Tetiba telefon berbunyi, isteriku pergi mengangkatnya. Apa lagi ada chance aku pun melepaskan kentut yang ditahan sekian lama.. Fuuuuhhh lega rasanya... Baunya pun boleh la tahan... Maklumler berapa biji telur tah aku bedal tadi... Alamak, ada lagi satu la.. Aku pun angkat sebelah punggung dan lepaskan satu das lagi.. Bunyinya PROOOTTT!! ..
Fuh bau jangan cakap beb.. aku pun tak tahan bau dia... aku kipas pakai tangan angin dia kasi kurang sikit bau dia... Adalah macam bau telur tembelang sikit.. Tetiba aku dengar bunyi telefon berdering lagi... hai lamanya tunggu isteri aku ni, aku tak sabar lagi ni nak tahu surprise dia ni.
Aku terasa ada lagilah, kali ni memang aku rasa power punyalah.. aku kumpul dulu kasi padu.. lepastu aku bangun, tonggeng sikit dan lepaskan angin taufan tu... PRRROOOOOTTT! !!!... fuhh lega... bergegar sikit meja makan dibuatnya... peh tak tahan aku bau dia power gila.. aku tutup hidung aku.. aku rasa bau dia ada sikit-sikit macam bangkai la.. mau mati bunga atas meja makan aku ni.. sambil tu aku sebut 'ahhhh.... lega...'.
Adalah dekat 5 minit baru bau bangkai tu hilang.. Lepas tu isteri aku kembali dan minta maaf sebab lambat.. lalu dia kata 'SURPRISE!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!' dan suruh aku buka kain penutup mata aku.. laaa birthday aku hari ni le... camne boleh lupa ni.. Aku buka le kain penutup mata aku.. mulutku terus melopong... ALAMAK!!!
Benda pertama aku lihat.. muka merah padam pak mertua aku, mak mertua aku, adik ipar aku dua orang, duduk keliling meja makan. Bos aku dengan jiran sebelah rumah rumah aku pun ada???
Jadi aku pun nak cover malu, aku tanya la kat pak mertua aku, 'Dah lama ke pak sampai?'.
Dan pak mertua aku pun jawab.'Dah lama. Sebelum kentut pertama lagi!!'. "
Hahahahaha.....
p/s: Jangan ketawa kuat-kuat, nanti malu. Senyum buli lah ...
Thursday, May 29, 2008
How To Give Thanks For A Meal ?
A family was having some people to dinner.
At the table, the mother turned to her six-year-old daughter and said, "Dear, would you like to say the blessing?"
"I wouldn't know what to say, " replied the little girl, shyly.
"Just say what you hear Mommy say, sweetie, " the woman said.
Her daughter took a deep breath, bowed her head, and solemnly said,
"Dear Lord, why the hell did I invite all these people to dinner!"
At the table, the mother turned to her six-year-old daughter and said, "Dear, would you like to say the blessing?"
"I wouldn't know what to say, " replied the little girl, shyly.
"Just say what you hear Mommy say, sweetie, " the woman said.
Her daughter took a deep breath, bowed her head, and solemnly said,
"Dear Lord, why the hell did I invite all these people to dinner!"
Lending A Helping Hand
Little Mary Margaret usually slept through the class.
One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping.
"Tell me Mary Margaret, who created the universe?"
When Mary Margaret didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear.
"God Almighty!" shouted Mary Margaret.
The Nun said, "Very good" and continued teaching her class.
A little later the Nun asked Mary again, "Who is our Lord and Savior?"
But Mary didn't stir from her slumber.
Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck Mary Margaret in the butt.
"Jesus Christ!!!" shouted Mary.
And the Nun once again said, "Very good," and little while later, Mary fell back asleep.
The Nun came back again for a third question...
"What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?"
Again, Johnny came to the rescue.
This time Mary Margaret jumped up and shouted:
"If you stick that thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!"
The nun fainted.
One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping.
"Tell me Mary Margaret, who created the universe?"
When Mary Margaret didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear.
"God Almighty!" shouted Mary Margaret.
The Nun said, "Very good" and continued teaching her class.
A little later the Nun asked Mary again, "Who is our Lord and Savior?"
But Mary didn't stir from her slumber.
Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck Mary Margaret in the butt.
"Jesus Christ!!!" shouted Mary.
And the Nun once again said, "Very good," and little while later, Mary fell back asleep.
The Nun came back again for a third question...
"What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?"
Again, Johnny came to the rescue.
This time Mary Margaret jumped up and shouted:
"If you stick that thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!"
The nun fainted.
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