Wishing Things Had Been Different

I had some history with my ex-boss.

Nothing was resolved till today, at least as far as I know. But, hey, no longer that I hold any grudge towards her. My life is more peaceful now, I let the past be a past. Just kinda sad the way things had to turn out to be.

There were lots of things that I learned from her. There are even times that I wished she is still there in the office, guiding us. She may be harsh at times, but with her around, you gained more confidence in doing things right.

I guessed being around her for quite some things had changed me in one way or another. Just yesterday, we finished one very important meeting on one of our equipment. How I wished she was there to chair the meeting, to ask questions, to show to people that we know what we wanted.

Well, its just a wish, anyway... And I vowed to myself, I will learn, and I will be the expert. It may be a big wish, but hey, I am allowed to make a wish, right ? Lets just hope I am able to carry it through.

On Leave Tomorrow

Yeah ... My boss has allowed me to take 1 day leave tomorrow. Ala, nothing big also ... Need to go to the bank with mummy, scared it might take a long time, so decided to take leave la ... No need to work... for tomorrow at weekends at least ...

Kekekeke..... Can wake up later ... Yeah yeah ...

I Got A New Boss....

Yup, since my ex-boss resigned on 27 March, we are pretty much left alone. Just like a ship without a captain.

Now, we have a new boss - Maszlan Ismail (originally from ATSB). My ex-boss was also from ATSB. You must be wondering why ATSB, well, coz our agency is sooooo speacialized that we need someone of the same background to helm the ship.

I have heard stories about him a lot, not to mention he was the least favourite in my ex-boss's view. But I shall refrain myself from talking about it here. After all, I need to give him some time before I say anything.

Let see how he adapt to here. Dun forget we still have ex-boss' konco-konco around.

Till then - gambate gambate !!!!

Spreading Lies Even After You Have Left

Who else but my ex-boss ? Though she has officially out of the company, there are still some lies (which I heard from a 3rd party) that she is telling to others...

The latest one was my colleagues asked me, "Did she confront you about you writing the letter?"

I said, "No. The only time that I ever approached her to talk to her was after our presentation which she rejected me, saying she got no time. After that, I never saw her again even though she was in the office twice, let alone talk to her. Why?"

They answered, "She told someone in HQ that she confronted the person, whose husband is also a government servant, whether she wrote the letter or not and that person told her no."

As far as my office here is concerned, I am the only one whose husband is also a civil servant.

So, what is she trying to do now ? Smear my name in front of other people, imposing her own conclusion unto others, making it looks as though it is real ? How many more accusations do I need to take ? It makes me wary of how other staff is looking at me now, especially those from other campuses.

I DID NOT WRITE THAT D**N F***ING LETTER, K! PERIOD!

That night itself, I had a nightmare. I dreamed that she came up behind me, asking me to go out, and want to ask me something. What a nightmare !

The truth shall prevail. God knows the best. He alone knows of things, burdens - of how much I can handle. It will be a long journey, I know but as long as God is with me, I can do all things.

I hope one day, I will be able to forgive and forget her and her apprentices. Forgive maybe, forget never...

New Dawn At Last ... Really ?

Okie ... This is the brand new week - the week begins without a boss.

But is it really's gonna be without her ?

After lunch, I found out that she was actually in the radome (radome is a golf-ball look alike that is used to housed the antenna), as a contractor for the system. She now works as a freelancer, and suprisingly, she was approached by our current contractor to maintain the system. So, she is still gonna be around.

Does it gonna affect me much ? I doubt it. I am just thinking that whatever she taught us last time, she didn't do it herself. Work wasn't passed down properly, everything issue was left hanging, keys and pass was not returned. Ummm, I bet she would still be able to control at least the groundstation, if not the whole centre, through her apprentices.

We shall see ...

3 More Days ..

You may be wondering, 3 more days to what ?

Well, officially my boss will resign on the 28th March 2008, that is 3 more days from today.

She did not report for work after 13th March (her holiday ended that day) and people were wondering where is she ? Me ? I wonder too, but frankly speaking, I couldn't care less.

I am not sure if she is coming in the very last day. First I thought of taking that day off, then what the heck, why should I take a day off to avoid her. Not that I have done anything wrong also, kan. I should even look straight into her eyes.

The apprentices are still the same, blaming everyone who had not stood up for the boss in that meeting with the DDG. I? I stood up for my boss, coz I was thinking, she is after all my boss and I didn't know that she actually put the blame on me. Now that I have known, will I still stood up for her? I am not sure.

I got to know that she came in last Sat to entertain a group of visitors from UTEM. Funny part was, the apprentice only asked those who had stood up (a.k.a not spoken a word in the meeting / boss find no issue with) to come on that Sat. The rest of us ? She didn't even have the courtesy to inform us that there's gonna be a visit from who-and-who. Another show of unprofessional and emotional apprentice and boss. Not that I wanna be there also. Got better things to do at church since it was Holy Saturday.

Looking forward to 1st April 2008. Gambate gambate !!!

Good Friday

Today is a very special day for all Christians in the world...

Christ gave up His life so that we can have new life. He said, "Take this body, which will be given up for you." He is our Saviour and our God.

Went for mass yesterday and I was still searching within myself. I felt very difficult to let go have the hatred I bore on those people who had accused me of sending that "surat layang". In fact, they have now come up with a new conclusion - that the letter was written by more than 1 person.

Christ's commandment - "Love one another as I have love you" seems so difficult to achieve. I can't even stand them now, I lost al the respects I have had for them. How to love them ???????

What a conflict. Arggghhh .......

Please pray for me that I will be able to "Forgive those who sinned against us".

Unprofessional At All....

Coming back to work after wedding was indeed a frightful event to me ... Why ?

1. I was shouted at for applying 6-days of leave during Chinese New Year. Reason given: I took too much leave for my wedding (I actually took only 10 days for my wedding from 19 Dec till 5 Jan). She counted total days that I have taken for the whole year of 2007 (which was around 20 days and I still have a balance of 63 days in the year of 2008). She does not allowed me to take 6 days, gave me two options: a) to give her a reason on why I should allowed to have 6 days leave, or b) revised my application. I told her that I had actually bought the honeymoon package, that was why I needed the holidays, but instead, she said, "I don't care. Who asked you to go and buy without asking for approval?"
2. I got so upset, the entire week I couldn't focus. I went back to her on Fri and requested for 4 1/2 days. I decided that I will revised my application and come to work still on the CNY Eve and on the following Mon for half day since I will be leaving in the evening. Thank God she agreed.
3. Was given the task to design and build a Cubesat. But since hasn't decided on mission yet, so entire group was broken into smaller groups. Me and my colleague was looking at Error Detection and Correction. When presented, got bombarded by her. I accepted the critism, and thought I didn't do good enough. Finally, we settled our mission. Did a few more discussion, concentrating on Onboard Data Handling and off I go for my CNY break.
4. CNY went on well, really enjoyed my time, with my husband ... Even got a CNY message from her, which I thought, "OK, everything should be well again."
5. Came back on Mon for a while, before flying off to Bali. Asked her permission to leave early which she said, "OK."
6. Came back from Bali and went to work on Mon as usual. Concentrating on the project.
7. Came to Fri, approached one of her apprentice (orang kanan boss) on some special protocol and telecommand channels. Both questions were not answered, at the same time, was giving me this look and saying "I don't understand what you are saying. That is your job, not mine." I got the shock of my life, hearing what she said and was thinking, "What happened? Aren't we in the same group? Isn't that the same as what you taught me last time? What kind of attitude is that? Real B***H!"
8. Came to work on Sat on Sun as well, and when on Sun, we each presented our slides (as a preparation) she doesn't even look at me while answering my questions. I didn't know what happened so I continue trying to be nice.
9. Mon was a disaster. I presented my subsystem, the boss didn't even said a single word. Earlier, she mentioned to the leader of the project that my report was "BAD, TERRIBLE" and she further said that I copied entirely from one of the example. I felt hurt, but I know I didn't do anything like that, so I wasn't afraid at all. Berani kerana benar !
10. Since she didn't gave any comment at all, I decided to go and see her but she replied "Nope, I am busy." She refused to see me! I was so upset .... Why? Why did she hate me ? Was it because of the 6 days holiday that I wanted to take ?
11. Finally - I knew the answer. There was a "Surat Layang" which was sent to Biro Pengaduan Awam, JPA, KSN, MOSTI saying how she misuse her power, providing a very uncondusive place to work, asking her staff to do high-risk job, etc.... And she told a few staffs that I was the one who wrote that surat layang...

Bottom line ??? She tendered in her resignation letter - after our HR personnel informed her that Deputy Director General wanted to have a meeting with all the staff, without her being present. Said it was a bruise to her dignity and therefore, she resigned.

Ironic part was that, I didn't even know about the letter until after she announced her resignation and DDG is coming over to our office. Then only, someone good hearted enough to tell me that there is actually this letter, and she accused me of writing that letter.

How do I feel now ? I guessed in a way my hurt when deeper than I thought. I lost all my respect for her, and I find it extremely difficult to forgive her and her "konco-konco" - who blindly followed whatever crap she said without even the guts to come and approach me to clarify things up. She is bias, unprofessional, emotional and irrational ...

3 years of being under her - one does wonder how many galens of water I have shed over whatever she said. No more now... Hopefully things will be brighter.